ok. i so surprised tat i will cry in band today. is like, it happen so suddenly. i guess perheps i cant take the so-called stress mentally or physically, or both or sth. body reaction??
mr ng keep on telling us to repeat e same old bars again n again. wads wrg wif him. den later sae play loud then play soft, he ask us to play soft, after we finish rite, he sae " louder lar, y play so soft?". i darm fucking piss out wif him today lor. the feeling is really darm overwhelming. wadeva. hmm. then later, he ask us to play bar 36. ok. we play for him, again n again. he duno how tired we are lor. he nvr dismiss us for break today at all!!!! all of us for sure cant take it de ma. den he keep on asking us to repeat again n again, refuse to let us go break. fine. i so darm pissed off lor. in the end, is like i duno suddenly my chest feel so tight. then like cant tahan anymore, feel like vomiting abit. yar. den i try to control. but ish like, mr ng is dwn dere "fucking" here n there, yelling or wadeva. fine lor. i control but then my tears simply cant control. i found a tear flowing dwn frm my right eye. i was like telling myself, " no matter wad happens rite, im not going to cry in front of mr ng lor! i will hate myself 4eva de lor". but too bad, my body cant take it any longer, so i breakdwn crying n all sorts lor. i put dwn my instrument n i juz walk out of the hall n ran to the toilet n cry.
im thinking y shld i cry lor. is like, y last time i can take it not now? last time i still can control myself wen i wan to cry. but then now ish like i CANT!!! wtf. ok.
i hate myself now. u ask mi? i already tell u liao. fine. i duno wad im toking. wen i reach home, i was telling my marmie wad had happened lor. den she was like so shocked! then tok to mi for awhile which make mi sob sob alittle lor.
but reali, i feel so much beta after crying lor. now like my heart abit tight tight lor. i shld relax xia. or else on sunday if mr ng start bitching or fucking, i dun think i can take it liao lor.