sianz. rain again. signx.
hmm. went out wif songying. to paya lebar dere n eat. long john silvers. yupx. den we walk to library. hahaz. diet. hahaz. can like tat sae bahx. songying wana borrow books mahx. after tat she cum my hse. finally i can sae. hahaz.
went online. my pc so slack but den hor duno y hor 2dae my pc quite ok lehx. maybe c gt mei nu bahx. hahaz. songying gona kill mi. hahaz. coz she 2dae wear until very xin gan. hahaz. ok. i zip.
after tat we play playstation. we hunt for games. my playstation abit siao. my bro play his Valyrie Profile till the playstation went siao. n very lazy. sumthimes went spin hafway dun wan spin. haiz. den today very funi. spin very hard le. hmm. maybe c mei nu bahx. oops!. okok. think songying will angry. okok i stop saying.
mi hunt for the gun thingy de game. den finally found. den songying play. play till 4pm like tat go home. mi sent her home xia. walk her 2 mrt station. yupx.
hmm.
so sianz.
still got 5 more hrs.
and 2004 will end. so sad rite. sum ppl are enjoying and dey r now preparing to celebrate the new year. but mi dwn here duno y sad lor. haiz. the reason? i also duno. hmm. 4 hrs n 58 mins left and 2005 will arrived. hmm. wad to do? i hope the time will jux stop lor. actually got a wish. i hope that those hu had been killed in the killer wave will reat in peace. dose hu r still unfound at dis moment will be found soon. may god bless the ppl whose living conditons had been affected by the wave. hmm. sign.
sianz. 2005 is arriving. and im dwn here signing. hmm. i must must sturdie hard. next monday immediately got band. den plus got to start the sec1 pal duty le. i put my progamme sheet in music rm. ahh!! i must ask for a copy on monday. or else ltr my teacher dun let mi go 4 my duty. hehex. i actually in charge of F1-1 de. den i change to J1-1. yupx. degrade until like that. frm de 1st class to the last class. hahaz. k la k la. gtg. hmm. tata.

went out wif marmie n her fren plus her parents. buy clothes. hmm. spent abot $100 over. haiz. no mood. buy 2 collar shirts. 2 sleeveless shirts and a bareback shirt. sian. so bored at home. I WAN TO GO SCH!!
sad. i shldnt be sad. but im. i shldnt get hurt over it. pretend nth happen? maybe that will do. hmm. tml judith will be back. long time no see. miss her xia. yar.





wad is he trying to sae?
wad is he trying to do?
i onli treat u as a brother.
nth else.
i hope u wun sae those words.
i dun wan to hear.
sori.

hmm. monday got band rehearsal. my grp went to sch early. 9am. den we went shaw hall to practice on our dance. miss song taught us the dance. yar. den later we have our rehearsal in the shaw hall. we called ourselves canto-pop. coz we use the song frm a canto song...TWINS...yupx.
i went to discuss the performance wif the sec1s. judith nvr cum. she's away. so i help her lor. everyone is busy wif their things. den we do the deco. till the sch staffs sae dey wan to lock the sch le. on monday quite ok. it's not so easy to teach the sec1s. hmm. got alot of learning to do.
ytd.tuesday. hmm. band tat time. keep on kana scolding frm mr ng. i also duno y. keep on picking on mi. wadeva.
den after band. we went for lunch at mac. darren n jianxiong went wif us also. we galx keep on laughing. becox emmeline n waimin lar. keep on burping. den make us laugh lor.
later went back sch. change up to our performing clothes den rehearse our dance. darren n jianxiong wore the shirts songying bought for dem. she's hapi tat dey wore. hahaz. so funi.
den we got our full run. den it time for us to perform.
gt ex-seniors cum also. like guangliang and samatha..weihang->duno how 2 spell.
1st item. we have to perform for our seniors our competition piece and set piece.
2nd item. prize presentation to our seniors. hahax. mr ng take photos using my camera. duno whether his skills ok ma. later im collecting the photos.
3rd item. our grp the dance. mi shou mang jiao luan. 4get sum of the steps. coz very scared. hahaz.
4th item ish the guys grp. dey do skit lor. haha. quite funi.
den got 20mins interval. but den it looks more like 30 mins or more lor. hahz. and we celebrate seemun's birthday too! hehex.
after tat ish the sec1 performance. quite funi lar. hahaz. at least everything went on smoothly.
last item is kharloo's grp lor. dey dance 1st den sing. yar.
hmm. later we ask the seniors to leave sum comments. and all of us agreed on wat seemun had said. seemun rawks manx. hahaz.
ROD ended. everyone enjoyed alot. we all helped to pack things up. keep the intruments etc.
wan to go home that time(outside band rm)..mi waimin songying n liyi sae bye to darren and jianxiong. darren keep saying hapi new year and jianxiong keep on saying merry christmas. we hack darren and he keep on repeating. den he dwn dere keep on yelling.hahaz.
we walk pass the sch. den darren sae us. he shouted hapi new year again. we all pretend we never see. den he dwn dere yelling and jumping like monkey lolx. duno y he turn so siao. den we ignore. he ran towards the gate dere. and shout to us. we pretend to ignore den darren say sumthings. songying very angry and wan to throe her lollypop on him. hahaz.
we went to suntec city. the city link dere to eat. den went home.
haiz.
thinking.
shldnt be thinking.
wadeva.
tata.
[happy birthday seemun!=P]

went out wif darren jianxiong songying liyi n waimin. celebrate christmas. walk frm somerset to orchard. den went to shop around. den we went to eat. hmm. den ltr darren n jianxiong went off 1st den the rest of us went bugis for a short while n went home.
im feeling so luan and confused. im hapi tat i can spent christmas wif the guy i love so long. but on de other hand. im feeling very luan. i thinking. shld i sae or not to sae? i reali duno wat to do. nw he's sleeping. sign. wad m i going to do. should i sae tat it will be a worse christmas or a best christmas...

cried last nite. so fan. den dardie and marmie quarrel also ma. den cry on the phone immediately wen i col jie. i think scare her bahx. hehex. coz wen i hear her voice i cry. haix. wad de hell. last nite coz cry till so bad. i almost tot of cutting myself. den coz i in bed le. n i promise myself not to do it again.haiz. dis morning eye swell so much. den tot of not going to band. but den nvm lor. i put eye drop beta. i col songying wen i go band tat time. den i feel much beta. but den wen we hung up the phone. i cry le.
go band at 7.15am. got duno wad meeting. discussion on our Band ROD Performance lor. hmm. yuchun finally turn up for band practice. she improved lorx. im so hapi 4 her and i think she's happy too.
hmm. starting mr ng bad mood. and so do i. den he keep on scolding lor. tears in my eyes. but dey dun seem to fall out. wadeva. den later go sectional. i tell myself no matter wad have to cheer up. and i did. we done our sectional wif jiejun. den we practice together lor. mi darren n jiejun try to help yuchun on her playing.
went back to band. so sian. hahaz. sit dwn dere wan to sleep. hahaz. after lunch i also duno y i turn so siao. mr ng ask dose hu got the hym part at one note b4 137..im toking abot de saint n the city neway..yup. i also duno y i laugh..i think coz i wasn't paying attention den mr ng suddenly start bahx. den i laugh a little but den i saw judith looking at mi and i duno y i broke out laughing like siao and nvr play at all. hahz.
den i laugh n laugh n laugh. den at the Sing Rash. mi and yuchun decided to played one part very soft or can sae dun play at all. hahaz. we two sabo darren. den actually i try to be serious on my playing but den hor i duno y i laugh again n again like siao lor. i reali cant stand myself today. hahaz.
after band went to help ms teo to carry OHP to classrms. mi darren and jiuyew was dere helping. hmm. den after tat mi on my way go meet judith olivia and esther at bugis tat time, i saw hanping and jialing. so hapi. we chatted den i hurried to meet judith.
we took neoprints. and i took wif esther also. so fun. she so pretty. hehex. hmm. 2day still quite ok. kk.gtg. tata.




[d.U.n.w.A.n.t.O.s.E.e.y.O.u.s.A.d.c.O.z.i.w.I.l.L.b.E.s.A.d.t.O.o...]
cya.

marmie dardie quarreling now. ="< dardie scold marmie 4 not taking care of my cousin.it's not my marmie fault lor.is my cousin very de noisy n she dun wan to listern to my marmie. wad is dis! dardie very angry dun wan to watch the news le.now marmie stay outside. waiting for my brother and her fren plus their family to go swimming. haiz. i hate dardie scold marmie. now he stomp out of the hse.wad is dis! i hate it lor.forget it.
ytd went johor. hmm. we go dere tat time not so many ppl. but den cum back tat time got alot of ppl. de crowd is so darm big and so squeezy lor. got ppl quarrel also. haiz.
we went shopping at one of the shopping centre dere. yarx. bought alot of stuffs. blah blah blah.
hmm. no mood to write so many stuffs here. marmie now scolding my cousin. how i wish dey jux go. i need peace n quiet. boohoohoo.
2day i late for band. 8.30am den i wake up then pai for band. den kana run 2 rounds round de basketball court. hmm. fun xia. but den ran alone very sick. hahaz. den we do drill. den sectional till 12.05 fall in den we can be dismiss le.
went plaza singapura wif songying, waimin, liyi, darren and jianxiong. eat KFC. went spotlight later to buy those deco stuffs for our band ROD. walk n laugh alot. den in the end darren angry. think he angry wif us all ba. duno lor. hope he tml will be fine ba. next time dun laugh at him le.
now. im all alone at home. can do wat i wan. i wun cut myself again and hurt myself and get stabbed by ppl mentally. sign. jux feeling very luan n sad. feeling like. duno how to sae larx. tml songying going genting. hmm. hope she enjoy. tats wat im going to sae today. i really duno y i feel so bad now. my mood is simply jux so dwn. wad to do. i juz need so quiet time alone. sob. ='<.
sianx. need to go sch tml at 7:15am!!! jianxiong tell mi in MSN. wad i in ROD organizing COM. haiz. play game tell mi for wad. sign. nvm. should not get so cross over dis.im so tired. need to slp early.

ytd band qabir n yuchun nvr cum. yuchun same excuse. haiz. duno larx. mr tan, conductor of victoria if i not wrg larx. the conductor very dramatic. hehex. the band all laughing wen he start conducting. hahaz. very funi. he taught us how to breathe correctly and the wrong ways of breathing. reali learn alot frm him. he's a reali good man. hmm.
after band went to tampines wif jie. went to her house. her dog so cute. chiwawa. hahaz. the dog very short-tempered. very easy get angry. den it go back into his cage. hahaz.
then went to my family fren's hse and play tennis. i won! 3-1! so hapi. i play wif my fren. my besta fren. den later we went out together. and i met someone so sickening. blah. nvm.
hmm. my digi cam spoil le. my cousin drop in on the floor. den 2dae i pei my mum go and send it for repair. marmie bought a Op bag for mi. thankiew mum! *muackx* hahaz. i cant believe she will buy la. reali unexpected. we went to bugis dere. den we walk into the OP shop and my marmie was like u wan to buy bag or not. den she pointed out some nice ones. den i saw one qite ok den she jux give mi the money and ask mi go and pay. im so darm surprised.
later mi and marmie take neoprint. yupx. my couisn also took. haiz. very hapi today.
tml going malaysia the whole day. den monday still got band. i duno how to wake up. i scared i will be late 4 band. haiz. how arhx. sign.
hehex.neway. wana thank mingchuan for teaching mi how to play horn. he's reali very nice of him to teach mi. yupx. he's a senior french horn player duh. in JC now. hmm. reali wana thank him.

sumtimes..sumthings..i dun even wish to noe but den i keep on popping out in front of mi..why is dis happening...wad is dis trying to show..i reali had enoff of that...i reali wan to noe the ans..n the meaning of tat but den i reali dun wan to think n to giv a darm to it anymore lorx..wad 4 making myself cry over dose things again n again like a 2pit fool n make a bloody fool of myself! everything is juz making mi so sick n tired of this world..everything is jux so bloodly 2pit, disgusting n idiotic!
frm now onwards...i give a bloodly darm on anything n i telling you dis that im not as softhearted as wad u think n im i will be brave n strong n i wun let u step on mi n brush ur dirt on mi., making mi hurt becoz of wad u did!
I JUZ SIMPLY HATE YOU!!!

2dae we got band exchange wif mayflower n fuchun. quite ok. de place darm cold. den play my horn tat time i keep on shivering like hell. i sounded so darm shit. blah! haiz. mr ng so-called scold we horn section lorx. duno wad de hell. haiz. at the combine tat time, noe two guys frm the 2nd horns. at least dey r more friendly den the 1st horns!! the guy frm mayflower is Danny n the fuchun wan is called shawn. yupx.
after de exchange. went out wif songying, judith, waimin, jianxiong n darren to bugis. went V8 Cafe to eat. den after tat went shopping. judith hunt for christmas present for her family. yar. den b4 we go take neoprint lorx.
jux now tok to songying. haiz. after wat she sae abot the word guilty. my heart also thinks the same. duno larx. wan to cry. my family all went swimming. im all alone at home. so i can do anything i wan. haiz. we can tell mi wat to do. im so luan lorx. juz feel so darm guilty. haiz. nvm.

yeah!!finally my blog alrite le..phew..i love this skin like crazy. dun u ppl think so???...so hapi xia..
nw at hom duh..ltr going swimming...hehex...haiz...tml got band lorx...scared..today go orchard rite..we saw the QYO ppl lorx!!!!one of the trumpter..play tuba de...saxophone...clarinet de...etc. but no horn...=<...sad sad...hehex...kk...gtg..tata!

haiz..now mi at the library..cant change the blogskin..nvm..i go home den do..waste my time..i tot can wan lorz..haiz..
went out wif songying and waimin juz now to heeren..very fun larz..hahaz..we go and hunt for songying's jeans..hehex..
hmm..today quite mermorable..coz today is the day i ply french horn for 1 year..hahax. juz being lame here..

i juz love my new hair cut!

tuesday chalet. spent most of the time in the chalet room. play pillow fight. raping sence within mei ling n siew hua. very fun n enjoyable. at nite. we got BBQ. den later mi, yuanying, wan zhen, alvin tay n jinglong went to play bowling at 1am. play 2 games den go back to the chalet rooms. hahaz. mr chin stand on the bed saying bible story to meiling, reena, siewhua. waimin sleep le. den later i joined in. mr chin told us stories. blah blah blah. sang songs. till 2 plus 3am. den we rest in the bed. i never slp at all. i jux rest on the bed play my hp. den to 5.30am tat jing long came to our gals the rm n woke us the gals up. siao lor. ask we go beach c sun rise. cant c de lorx. duno la. den onli meiling wan zhen jinglong alvin tay n mr chin went to the beach. reena n yuanying went back to slp and siewhua look after the gals.
*yawn*. mi n waimin went to whitesands to eat our breakfast. den go band. we reached dere on time. i was so darm tired. haiz. in band i so sleepy. den wen i reached home n bath. i pop myself on bed n frm 7.30pm without dinner i slp till the next day at 8.30am. actually quarrel wif my mum coz i nvr go n celebrate burfdae wif my grandma. but den she c mi like so tired. she dun blame mi at all. haiz. sorrie.
ytd morning went to meet waimin liyi judith n songying at mac. den go sch for the band exchange. held at St.Pat. the players frm the Queensland Youth Orchestras. Patrick taught us n chat wif us. we had fun. den later we played. blah blah blah. we went dinner. den the Queensland Youth Orchestras played for us and the St. Pat also. vry nice.
[i promise myself to tink b4 i act. i oneday i repeat wat i hav done again. im deciving my soul n my fren. i rather dun do it again den to lose a fren. i rather hate myself den to hurt others. dou my hrt is till hurt. i reali duno wat to do. but i wun let others hurt mi again. and i wun use myself as a bait. and to hurt myself again n again n let my mum worry. no matter wat happens. i will tell myself to be strong.]

i feel so darm 2pit. 4 liking a guy like him. i might like him b4. but i can tell u that that is in the past. now. i dun think so. he's not the guy that i noe. he had totally changed. to a person that i reali dun noe. he treated us so badly n i tell u. im angry wif him n rite now im telling u this. everything has ended. he had disappointed mi as a junior n as a crush. now im very firm wif my decision. im going to 4get him.
dou it is very difficult for i like him more den 1 year. so wat. i wun wan to waste my bloodly time on him lorx. wad de f***. so darm 2pit. so 2pit. hate myself for liking him. so darm idiot. hate myself arhx.


yesterday fuchun concert so cool! so darm good lorx. den sound is so strong. rawkx manz. we enjoy so much without the sight of them. without him, im more happier. wat for having him around.

my marmie bought a digital camera. actually is i pay de. but den the price over $200 lorx. so marmie pay. haiz. hehex. very hapi larz. hahaz.
hmm. tml going fuchun concert. meeting songying, waimin, liyi and leong hwee. hehex. hmm. so far. marsiling. haiz. 20 stops like tat. woa! aiyo. can sleep. i plan to take video. hehex. but den duno the mermory got space or not. hmm.
going swimming tml morning. wif shiyin, sherlyn and my marmie. hehex. so fun.
monday got class chalet. marmie allow mi stay overnite! 1st time sia! so happy. but den the next day got band lehx. how arhx. hmm. bring my horn go too!!?? oh my! i think maybe like tat lorx. haiz. but scared lost. hahaz. hu will wan to use huh? hahz. will be very heavy onli. hmm. stay overnite. dun think i can slp. not use to it bahx. haiz. nvm. hav fun can le. hehe.

i dun wish to see wat is ahead of mi. i dun wana care abot wat it seems to be happening to mi. i onli noe tat im not suppose to be living in dis world. the world is so messy. how i wish i could have die dwn there at the beach. HATE MY LIFE OK!
how i wish i could jux die. 4get everything. I WAN TO 4GET EVERYTHING OKAY!!!! I DUN WANA THINK ANYMORE..IM TIRED OK...IM TIRED TO BE IN THIS BLOODLY SCH OK!!! SO MANY THINGS HAPPENED! U THINK THIS SCH IS GD? I TOT I MIGHT BE WONDERFUL...BUT DEN? I HATE EVERYTHING! I JUZ WAN TO GIVE MYSELF A KNOCK N 4GET EVERYTHING OK!!! I HATE MYSELF!:@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how can i tell if he is right for me, if i never give him a chance at all?
i duno wat im thinking. darm bad mood since morning. den i went to the beach alone again. think of so many things. duno larx. die on the beach no one even cares de. hu will wan to care. haha.
duno lar. went swimming yesterday. swim 60 laps. keep on swimming n swimming. haiz. den now got a cold. i hack lorx.
going fuchun concert this sunday. den monday got class chalet. yupx. going Escape Theme Park againx. haiz. duno go there how many times le. haiz.nvm. go there and play everything. hahaz. duno whe i will enjoy those stuffs or not. seems to be in a bad mood. ask mi play? haha. c how. miss my classmates. lots. glad tat im going to see them soon. n play as a grp. duno lar. dun wan go band tml. hate going. go there for wat. sianz. haiz.
my deepest sercets. no1 one. i still haven found a person to trust. duno lar. im still thinkin whe to tell or jux 4get it. i duno. hahaz. i think no one will wan to care. so wat for sae?
nvm. still thinking whe to patch back or not. he nvr reply my mail. nvm.
so tired.
my mind is in a mess.
i duno wat to do.
nvm.
im always left alone to solve my own problems.
habit le.
tata.