hmm. such a boring day. my marmie allow mi to change to broadband! yea! 7 days later then can activate lor. slowly wait lor. haiz. went out wif my cousin. shihan. marmie. yup. den later marmie n cousin went bugis street lor. cox my cousin very noisy. den mi n shihan went to shop around. in search of kharloo's pressi tml. hehex. she likes footprints. very difficult to find. den went to the A NBC found one bookmark. i find wan. hahaz. mi search high up n dwn to find de lor. haiz. find until very xin ku. legs very suan. haiz.
den take neoprint wif her..the $10 wan. got sofa can sit n take ma. hahaz. we very tired thats y. we deco until very colourful. hahaz. got so much time to deco lor.hehex.
gor still haben cum home yet. he got bbq. primary 6 gathering lor. hahz. next week got...hmm...i duno how many tests..think got 6 or 7 lor. sian! must sturdie...










"hmm...r u ok?"
"i kind of scared of u"
"haha"

ytd sectional...hahaz... so fun....hmm i got my new horn..hmm...the valves so funi..same model as darren n qabir wan if im not wrg..but then i thing the design not the same or this one ish the lastest design one la...hack la...dun reali like it..i also duno y...wen i noe that the new horn cum..i nvr even smile at all...no wan c mi jump n go crazy...i juz give a black face...blah blah blah...then in the end then ok ok lor...
very difficult to hold up the horn...coz my left hand fingers not long enoff...hahaz...tend to slip off wen i hold it up lor..sick!...nvm...i will get use to it...but then wen will that be? tml? in a week's time? a month's time? hu noes? I nOe!!! god noes!!!hahaz...truth ma...hahaz...
we do sectional...wan to over le then combined lor...hahaz...
tml i go band late...coz mi got the IT thingy ma...so darm fun lor..having the lesson that time...the brass section is like so called below us doing practice n they played so darm loud that the place im sitting rite...can feel the floor vibrating lor...plus can hear dem blast....cool...hahaz...
at 5pm combined till 6pm..i think today our sound is so strong!!! yea!!!so hapi 4 the band! keep it up!!!we rawkx! yea!!!
got 1 new piece....Chinese New Year Story ba...we horns starting got 66 bars rest!!! can slp...but then i think we r skipping the intro part ba...so we got onli 6 bars reat lor...but nvm...at least got rest hahaz...got 'Da di hue chun',etc.. including 'chai shen dao' !!!!!!!....so funi manz....we horns dwn there to the same 2 notes hahaz... C G C G C.....n C G C G C G C G C G C G C.....hahahaz...mi dwn there laugh like siao lor...nvm...tml sectional can play...hahaz....
tml ish T-shirt day!!! wearing band merun T....yea!!!!hahahaz.....so fun...bringing my digital camera also...it will be a fun day!






*_aN oFfIcIaL pRoDuCtiVe n eFficiEnT bAnD mEmBeR oF GMSS_*
*_wE rAwKs mAn!_*






_*??^wu fa wang ji^??_*

haiz. nvr go to sch today. if got typo error dun blame mi. coz my hands are shivering while i type. nvr feel so sick in my life before. haiz. miss skool. miss my frens. miss chers. miss homework! hahaz.
tml still got sectional. trying to pull my dear junior to go 4 band. haiz. duno la. later going to col her. hope that she will go 4 tml's sectional. sianz. cox tml darren taking attandance.
my fever goes on n off. duno wd de hell. lungs feeling so weak. doc sae duno wad sensitive. hmm.
hope to get well. dun wan to be sick.

coz. my gastric will act up de. haiz. sum more cant go swimming. ahh! must get well!



musn't stress up myself anymore!



if i can kick the habit...



hehex...

blood was seen. pain was felt. tears was shed.
if these could make mi 4get u. i will do it.


even if i had to do it a thousand or million times,


i will.


i feel so stubbon.


so 2pit.


14mths.


its going to be the 15th mth.


y



must i.






not worth it.








oh lord.









plz stop it.












i juz hate the feeling.







i dun wan to see u.










i jux dun wan to see u.













a cut will tells u how much i wan to 4get tat i like u b4.

i also duno y i will like u.

i feel so 2pit.

i will not think about anything.















bye.

ytd went out wif waimin, songying, liyi n judith to raffles city. burger king there n sturdie, eat. den we bought flowers 4 mr ng, ms johnson n mrs thesarah.
we reach VCH at 4.15pm like tat. den we went to buy tickets 4 liyi as well as mi myself. wait n wait n wait. de ppl dwn dere sae no more tickets. lorx. in the end ish they sold the reserve tickets to us lor. darren, jianxiong, wan tin, huili, minglong got go also. jianxiong n darren gave wan tin n huili their tickets 1st.
we waited for the 1st song to end n go in.
the concert is nice. impressive. mkrs thesarah's voice is so spendid. waa. the songs they played are much more beta then sunday's concert.
we managed to give ms johnson n mr ng the flowers. mrs thesarah nope. so sad. den we planned to give t on monday lorx.
went bugis after tat. took neoprints. went home.

























i have been sacrificing my time. m i doing the right thing? y must i been doing it. y? my heart n soul is wandering about. y? i juz cant concentrate on wad im suppose to be doing.
y? i odd to be enjoying my time alot wif my frens. but then always in the end, im the one that have been always dwn.y?
tears always fell wen i tok abit it. y?
i dun wan to think but then i keep on doing it.







wad m i suppose to do?






anyone PLZ tell mi...

hmm. 2dae in band. can sae quite ok la. mr ng not hapi wif us. duh! our band very small today n the sound very small. mr ng n ms johnson decided to postpone the drill recording lor.
got new mouth piece..i at first take size 11. den coz too big. so i take size 10. the size 11 n 12 give darren n qabir. the mouth piece abit big for size 10. yar. den dun reali quite used to it. but then very nice to blast lor. hahaz.
mr ng tell mi to give qabir the size 12 one. coz he wan ma. the sound will be nicer. but den hor. the mouthpiece so big. very difficult for mi to play high notes lor. but den qabir maybe he can. duno. monday see how.
















the feeling will be always dere...
it's impossible to remove...

i hate to see your face tat way...
it's make mi sick...

last sunday went for mr ng's concect. wif judith, qabir, darren n jianxiong. at VCH. hmm. the concert very de nice to watch. esp the saxophone solo! it's wad i always yearn to listern to a LIVE saxophone solo!!! hmm. tat guy play till go good! hmm. Mr loh got perform. mr tan. mr fahmi. mr ng. iskandar. yupx.
we sat in the middle. n the place i sit hor, can see mr ng lor! hahaz. The performance very nice..after interval they play the LORD OF THE RINGS dose classical types one. not movie kind de. hmm. can sae quite bored but then very soothing n relaxing.
after the concert. we went to eat. qabir went home. left the 4 of us. hahaz. we spent 1 hour plus toking on wad to eat. hahaz. we went marina square. den got a married couple ask darren n jianxiong to help them pick lucky draw thingy. hahaz. darren pick a pencil case n a shampoo whereas that jianxiong pick 4 oranges! hahaz. think of orange too much lar. hahaz.
in the end we went to eat mac. haiz. hahaz.

monday band. mr ng mood swings. but then wen he angry not reali angry till wan to flare up lor. he ok ok la. tok abot sunday the performance n looking straight at mi wen he was toking about the concert. there's a concert cuming on this friday. im not going. coz dun reali have alot of saxophone solo. hehex. we stood up wif our instruments. mr ng teach us how to hold them correctly. yupx. hai hao. but then i duno reali noe how to hold correctly coz always wen i put under my arm it will slide now. i drop my mouthpiece in band lor! mr ng noe. lucky never scold mi. Phew!

hmm. tml got drill recording. quite a number of se4s not going. How to do!!?? duno la. mr ng sae de. nvm. hmm. songying wan testi. got to go write for her. kk. tata!



[g0oD luCk 4 uR coMpeTit0n! =P-darren]







[dErE's a daNgeR iN lOvIng SumbOdY to mUch...]
[sYmTomS of dEpReSsIon iS gRoWinG wiThIn mI..]

friday sec 1camp. gosh! the sec1s are all sooo noisy. this year batch very difficult to control their behaviour. the guys are smiply so digusting. but then i reali enjoy the camp alot dou im sick. hmm. reali went craxi. hahaz. keep on shouting. coz i wan to enjoy like siao. very stress lor. hmm.the station games all like so fun lor. throw water bomb. hahaz. so fun. then fruits captain's ball. hahaz. so fun.
today went out wif songying. went to but waimin's birthday's present. tml ish her birthday ma. den after that we went haagen dazs there to study. raffles city de. later judith meet us there also.
wa...now let mi tok about a darm angry thing. ok. im meeting that shiyin at bugis mrt station there lor. i reached there early. so is like abot 4.55pm lor. okay. then i dwn there waiting for her.
5mins pass...
she's not there yet. so nvm. i continue waititng...my bladder wan to burst le lor..
3mins pass...
i col her..she dun wan to pick up FINE! i col again n again...
5mins pass...
im getin so fed up..i col 4 abot 10 over times le lor! nvm continue waititng...
*wait n wait n wait*
22mins pass...
SHE'S NOT DERE YET LOR!!!!!!i cant ta han le la!
3mins pass...
i came out of the toilet n she's still not there!
i call songying...
we chatted...
then that shiyin sms mi that she will be late for 10mins! wat de!
im so darm angry lor. wad is she treating mi?
make mi stand dwn dere like an idiot lor!
after waiting 4 another 20mins...
SHE FINALLLY CAME!!!!
MY face turn so darm red n black n im so darm fuck up by her lor till i got gastric. i juz feel like going home rite at6 that point of time lor! i wait for her for almost 1 hr lor! y cant she juz told mi earlier that she will be late!? so at least i wun go n meet her so early lor... so 2pit!!! k fine..
we n see her...i was like shouting at her n den she give mi a bu shuang look! plz lor. she late lehx. still give mi a bu shuang face. fine. i was toking to songying at that time lor. n shiyin was like hu u toking to? songying ahx? n she started saying vulgar words to songying lor! wa lau! her attitude darm sux lor. she's in the wrg n she scold other ppl. k. den ok. my aunt came. my aunt was like scolding her. coz she make mi wait 4 her so lond ma. then she lied to my aunt sae that she got lost on the way to bugis lor!!! plz! plz! plz! she went to eat lor! she knew that im meeting her at 5pm the lor! den she still go n eat without giving mi a col! nvm. den she tell my aunt to put nice words to her mum! plz! she make mi wait for her 4 so long without telling mi at the 1st thing that she will be late! k the thing that make mi almost went crazi is that she told my aunt i toking to bf juz now lor! wad de!!! plz lor. fuck her lar. she making mi saying dose F words i dun wish to sae lor.
after saying those things. she tell mi not be be angry lor.



nvm.



gtg.

haiz. my gor juz came back frm TP..so late le lor. he 2dae play the whole day of basketball and he's skin was so red n black. now he reali look like a indian lor. so darm dark!!! wadeva.
haix. thoat pain like siao.. esp after toking to that MR ANG lor! qi zi wo! wadeva.. tml not going sch.. sign.. at least no need to go band lor. wa! that boon kai wan to quit band lor! so darm angry!!! Marilyn jux now col mi n tell mi n she sae he's serious lor. HE REALI WAN TO QUIT BAND LOR!! all THANKS to SANJOY! walau! boon kai is such a good player lor! jealous iszit! so 2pit! *cough* *cough*..so angry!
hmm. week2 le. still abit not used to sec3 life. hav to cope wif so many things..wan to revise my work also very difficult. cant slp late also. coz my health quite weak. haiz. coz sturdie n stress myself till i never take care of my health. then now sick le. sign.



http://www.poems-and-poetry.com/friendship-poems.htm


this wedsite got alot of frenship poems. got about graduation de. hmm. quite nice.





now looking of poems...



haiz..




sianz...




*cough* *cough*







[Sad makes you look behind..angry is beta for looking forward...]

went sweelee today. sianx. wif waimin songying liyi lorx. haiz.
juz now mr kee col mi. haiz. so sori. coz we cant find him ma. so return the key to the office lor. cannot do tat. sianx. so sorrie. nvm.








[THE PERFECT FRIEND
© S.J. McGrath

I thought I had found the perfect friend,
But it only took about a week for that to end,
I thought there was hope left in my life,
But as it turns out, it was only added strife,
I thought for once I had done something right,
But I quickly corrected that oversight,
I thought I wasn’t useless or a bore,
But I was all that and even more,
I thought there was a purpose to my days,
But that was only a very short phase,
I thought you weren’t like all the rest,
But like those before, you failed the test,
I thought you would stay with me, at least for a bit,
But you decided it was better just to quit,
I thought life was worth living for a moment in time,
But the life I wanted could never be mine,
I thought the hunger inside had been fed,
But now I know, I was just being misled.
And now I think I’ve found another perfect friend,
How long before my heart is broken again?]-> for her..








haix...the poem so touching...signx...dou in front of u i might seen normal,
deep in my heart dere will be always a great big scar in my heart.
dou i try to be so strong,
in my heart it wun take long.
if our friendship really got to break,
i can still sae that
ur my fren...
but...
still...
god give us the day to be met sumwhere...
how can i jux broke the frenship?
dou u hurt mi more than once...
god has given mi the strength n courage to live it on...








*sign*






y must this happen to ME!!!








YYYYYYYY!!!!






nvm.

2dae band very wad lorz. 4 nth that mr ng shout at mi. not my fault also look at mi n scold. he bu shuang also look n mi n scold. not my problem he also scold. i never do anything he also scold. very de unfair lor. wad is this. nvm.
2dae gt new piece. duno wad 46. siao lor. horn part so DARM high n very difficult to reach lor. i tell mr ng abot it he was like not my business. plz lor. even i practice every single day, it is also impossible 4 mi to perfect every note by thursday. plus i dun play high note normally. mi everytime play de bass point wan lor. the note all not so high. now. so difficult. wa! i can die.
hmm. tml have to go sweelee. hope tat the person will cum instead lor. or else tml have to carry tuba, baryton, bass clarinet, saxophone, flute lorx. sian! pray pray pray!










i duno why should i be dwn n cry becoz of YOU. not worth it. wad 4 help you n comforting n wasting my time on you wen at the same time you're hurting mi again n again. make mi FEEL LIKE AS IF IM A RAG DOLL and to throw mi around wen u feel like doing so n kick mi around like a ball. leaving all the dirt n dust on mi n walk away wen u had ENOFF of mi! wad is this! I SMIPLY HATE TO HATE PPL BUT U... the sight of you REALI make mi feel so UNCOMFORTABLE n let i tell u this okay! im not a SUMTHING 4 U TO THROW AT OK! u think u can hurt mi!? hahahahaha! NO! I DUN NEED A FREN LIKE YOU OK! i feel SO THREATEN by UR words wen i tok to u OK! let mi tell u this ok, IF U DUN RESPECT MI AT ALL, I WUN ALSO! U THINK UR GREAT??? HAHAZ! I GOT NTH TO SAE.. LET MI TELL U THIS...IM NOT A SELFISH PERSON..IF U TELL MI WAD R U TRYING TO DO..I WILL 4GIVE U N I WUN GIVE A DARM TO IT. IF U DARE TO THREATEN MI, TO THINK I WILL BE FOOLED BY U...HAHAZ...I WUN!


i dun feel like saying this here..but i juz had eboff. i also duno wad im writing. nut den i reali feel so bad. i need to forcus my studies. i dun wan becox of HER, i cant concentrate. i jux had it!



i got nth more to sae...



dun make mi hate u even more...



i dun wan to...




i will try my best not to hate you...



sori 4 wad i had said on the previous entry...




sori...




take care...

ytd so fun. hahaz. went band. 12.05pm. darren haven go there at tat time. so i took over his place. hahaz. so fun. beat the drum. hahaz. after tat darren cum. i do stocktake. but den after a while he go off. *arbish* den i took over again. hahaz. joyce save mi. coz wen she cum got ppl cum n take photo n i go off. coz i have to go 4 my sec1 pal duty. b4 i go i went to find jx. he not in class. den run around the sch to hunt for him. finally found him in the lab.
sec1 pal duty 2dae last day. siew wen ish the monitress n the boon kai ish the monitor. hahaz. same size de. oop! hahaz. after i finish duty. i sent back band rm to do stocktaking. joyce n jx went sweelee.
hahax. keep on laughing n laughing. so funi. after tat rachel cum. she help mi wif the stocktaking. yar. later she n ms johnson went off.
keep on laughing. hmm. play alot of different instruments. trumpet. eupho. baryton. trombone. hahaz. so funi. hmm..






last nite. cry. becox of her. sux. u sux. hate u.
2dae meent songying waimin liyi 4 breakfast. my mood is so dwn. den wen i reach sch i cry. walk to sch tat time i also cry. i jux dun wan to see her. hate her. bloodly bitch. we match in full uniform. drill tat time so funi. i duno y wen darren sae eh jianxiong, she taller then u lehx.. he meant waimin la. i laugh like siao. sori la jx. i also duno y. do recording. so sux mi.
went out wif judith n the same gang to paya lebar. kfc. eat le sturdie. yup.







I HATE U! U THINK WAD U HAVE DONE TO MI WILL MAKE MI CRY??? HAHAHA!!! I WILL NOT OK! HATE U BLOOLDY BITCH! FUCK OFF LA!!!! DOU I CRY 2DAE, DOESNT MEAN TAT I WILL NOW OK! U SMIPLY SUX. HU U THINK U ARE! BITCH LA U! FUCK OFF! LEAVE MI ALONE U BITCH! FUCK OFF! BITCH! U SUX! SUX! SUX! SUX! BLOODY SUCKING BITCH! SIN! SIN! FUCK! GO N DIE LA! U DIS IDIOTIC FUCKING BLOODY DISGUSTING BITCH! I DUN WISH TO SEE U ANYMORE! FUCK OFF! DUN EVA CUM NEAR MI! WITHOUT U, MY LIFE IS SO GREAT! THE SIGHT OF U MAKE MI PUKE! EEEEKKKK! SUX!







HATE U!






FUCK OFF!







I WUN BELIEVE U NEMORE!









LEAVE MI ALONE!






BITCH!

school starts le. suddenly so busy. cant reali can go online so often. signx.
being a sec1 pal is so difficult. taking care of joy 1-1 is so tiring. headache xia. my thoart hurts alot also. now my headache. got so many hw to do. im feeling so stress all over. in band as well as studies. signx. tml i going sectional. songying n waimin also pei wo.
Boon Kai frm Joy 1-1 join band today. trombone. Marilyn sae she like the sound he play. hahaz. gold band lehx. sum more sectional leader in pri sch. 1st trombone. he now playing 2nd. he kind of dun reali like. coz like dwn grade ba. duno him.
sanjoy sis also join band. saxophone player. she joined on monday le. yupx.
kk. my time is so precious. i reali reali gtg. kk. next time den drop by here. tata.

hmm. dis ish my 1st entry on 2005.hapi new year. signx. 2004 over le. kind of miss. haiz. duno y feeling so sad. sign. how will 2005 be like? i duno.
tml maybe going out wif my fren. how i wish her marmie will allow.
still rain. sianz. wan go swimming de le. oh lord. can u plz bless the weather? i wan to go swimming. ahh! haiz.
hmm. new year le. 2005. must pia my sturdies as well as my dear darling french horn. haiz. now my playing sux like hell. so have to pia lor.








how i wish the time will stop.








i will nvr happen.









-,-''







*sign*







im sorrie...