i almost broke down this morning in the rain....tears ran down my eyes.....n i feel like fainting.....maybe i never eat this morning.....no appettite...
this morning......i went Swee Lee.....help grace to send her section the clarinet for repair...hmm.....i went alone.....raining.....yaya.....i walk in the rain....hoping that the rain will wash away my tears.....haiz....life indeed sux......
Band sux too.....siao lorz......drill sux......very unhappy.....went to see ms johnson to give her the Swee Lee invoice....n people thought i wana quit band.....hmm......den...erm....i skip drill later....coz ms johnson wan mi to write a reflection on how i feel being born on national day.....i cried as i write.....i feel so sad.....wen i see her......i cant control.....4 that moment.....no 1 around....so i cry......after writing.....went to find ms johnson at the shaw hall.....cant find her....yet i saw the band doing drill n mr ng......he's not in the good mood.....later....i went back to the staff room to look 4 ms johnson again.....den give her the reflection and her stuffs....
we set up our instruments in the canteen.....n play march together.....all of a sudden.....i feel like crying again.......tears almost fall......i control myself again.....
we got the NDP rehearsal today.....quite ok la.....i have to go n present my reflection.....cery nervous lorz......my heart almost jump out.....haiz....den mr lian keep asking mi to slow down.....haiz.....
after band.....i immediately got gastric pain....*ouch*....i never ate anything since morning.....onli sweets......u c.....ya ci rite....haiz.....till 4 plus 5.....i never eat anything....this is not the 1st time le.....haiz....
31 July 2004....Saturday.....11:45pm.......

yesterday's math test....im juz scared that i will fail.....i duno wat to do..... yesterday.....is juz like the worst day of my life.......im very disappointed......hu noes
i sms my so-called 'mama'....onli her.....she's always the wan by my side......comforting mi.... wheneva im down........last nite.....i cried......very angry and sad 4 sum one.......tat person or they.....had reali hurt my feelings......this is not the 1st time.....frenship sux......
my emotions this few days again.....as u noe....i very messy and my emotions n feeling reali sux.....i cried almost every nite.....hu noes...
i duno how to go band later.....last nite wen waimin called mi.....den moment i put down the phone.....tears start flowing......i duno how lorz...i cant control my feelings.....how....i duno wan to cry in front of the whole band.......but the moment i see her......tears start flowing......
she reali send tears to mi.......(not waimin)...reali.....hu noe.....im always the wan send aside to settle my feelings alone........no wan cares......
life sux!!!!!!
Saturday.......31 July 2004........08:25am.......

haiz....it's late....i cant sleep....2dae the moment i got home.......i cried........very the sad all of a sudden......keep on thinking of sumthings the happen.......very the sad.....then tired also.....so i went to nap......a while......woke up......after eating my dinner.....immediately i went to study till 8 pluz like tat.....den went to practice my horn.........den at 9....i went back studying till 10 pluz......i play my horn again......it's late i noe......but hor......vry the stress lorz.....my family members all sleep le....haiz......every nite always left mi alone.....so sianz......i muted my horn....wif PILLOWS!!! hahaz....hehex....=p......trying to de-stress over here kay......very the scared lorz.....i scared my maths i get low low.......very scared......hehz...my science test got back le.....i got 16/25!!!!.....this kind of result to sum ppl is very the low lorz....but i dun care.....this time round the paper is reali very the hard lorz.....i can get this kind of marks im reali very contented le.......haiz......
i reali hope that the maths paper 4 tml will not be so difficult lorz......i reali wana scored......i practice so MANY sums this few dayz till i almost went crazy lorz....Oh Lord!!! u reali have to guide mi through 4 tml's maths test Lord....i jesus name i pray, amen......hmm.......go play neopets 4 a while......den go do maths again....hehez.....
Thursday......29 July 2004......11:31pm......

my day is always spoilt by you.....always is becoz of u......how i wish i no need to face you...... no need to face u AT ALL!!!!........:@/:'(.....
Wednesday.........28 July 2004......11:06pm.......

my emotions.....my feelings....my mood....is not going so smoothly these few days.....is like going up n down......haiz.....im reali very sad.....disappointed.....hu noes....im juz feeling vry uncomfortable inside my heart....keep on crying....almost every day.....every nite..... juz becoz.....of sum things.......
juz now as im practising my horn which i bring back home today.......after playing a few songs......tears juz begin to flow from my eyes.......i juz duno why......i juz feel depressed all of a sudden and images of unpleasant images came flashing through my mind.....dragging my attention......i stop 4 a while.......and drop into silent......i duno wat im thinking......but.....i reali wana cry everything out......but i cant......i dun cry in front of my family.....coz they duno wat i feel.........dey dun even give a damn.....i juz have to wait 4 the time to reach mid-nite.....b4 i broke into tears......hu cares.....
Sumtimes......i ask myself......y galz have to suffer more then guys.......why galz r always the unlucky ones.......y........y i have to cum to this whole world......to suffer all those unpleasant sorrows........and to suffer alone.......left in the darkness.....and others dun even wan 2 care...... at a point of time.....i reali need sum1 to be by my side......to guide mi......to teach mi....to tok to mi......but always.....no 1 wan to care.......one word they always say is tat......'aiya....dun think too much la......relax......smile.....'.....but......do they reali noe the way u feel.......do they noe???......haiz....life is juz so bad......so bad......
2dae.......i slept late todae.......reach school at 7.20am....haiz....almost kana by the prefects...... after school.....went to get a quick bite at cheers....den went to the band room to get my horn.......ran home after maths remedial......vry tiring....have to hug and carry my horn.......phew!.....pia 4 maths tution....till 6.30pm den im finally free from everything.......STRESS!!!....
i duno how to face tml........everything is going so bad......unpleasant......haiz......i duno where my DNT file is......duno where iszit.....haiz..................c how tml lorz....
i dun have the mood to write......maybe 4 the next few days im not cuming to write any entries.......i juz have to c how things works......
12 more days n im going to 14......how excited.......yaya.....im not excited at all.......=(
Wednesday.......28 July 2004........10:36pm.......

haiz.....im here again...hehez....hmm....duno why la.....vry the sianz after so much work....hmm....my father haven cum back frm work....my mum n brother slp le....hmm....i wonder y my brother never watch smallvile tonite......coz he always watch wan.....or maybe 2dae dun have any.....hehez......
tml i will be facing a great problem.....n i reali duno how to face it......wat m i going to do....im lost......hmm......my father juz cum back.......so i think mi reali have to go le...hmm.....bye....mi go play neopets 4 a while........
27 July 2004.......Tuesday........10:16pm......

Hmm….i feel much better….reali better….
Hahaz…..today in band mr ng scold mi…..hahaz….coz is like wen I go n set up my section the stuffs rite…..i couldn’t find my section the stands but a spoilt wan in the box…..so I was like signal to waimin n letty whether they took them or not…….but they never see mi…….den that mr ng scold mi…..hahz….he bad mood la……den ask we all to stand up and down 4 I think 15 OVER TIMES!!!....kau be…..to greet him…..he sae the way we greet  him is like as if we not interested in band lorz…..den sae a lot of craps……den…..ask we all to play ‘March Together’……hahaz….at the saxophone and horn medley rite….onli mi n deborah play…..hahaz…..so cold…….den mr ng keep l0oking at mi…..ask mi to play louder…..blah blah blah…….he bad mood at the point of time la……but later…..he started saying about sarong and many other disgusting thingd about sarong lorz….pian tai……sick lorz….den tok abot the mass………siao…..he 2dae never eat his medicine or not……..he today very sick lorz……
We got a new piece 2dae…..’HOME’à it’s a national day song…….yaya…..den hor…so many sharps here n dere…….mi 1st time in horn get 4 different sharps in all….den mi have ya go look out 4 the notes…….but starting we start at bar E……den is SAXOPHONE N HORN medley lorz…..ok la…..hahaz……finally my sight reading improve……kind of happy that I can sight read la…..but hor the last note very the high……kind of hard to reach….but I like it….hahaz…..BHB…..mi intent to bring my dear horn home wan……but hor……think hor got a lot of things to do….so never…..but my senior bring home lorz…..hahaz……so quai…..hahaz……wadeva……
Mi wan go n study le……so tired….but have to study……tml mi will be very the busy 4 the whole day….got maths remedial after school to 3.3opm then have to rush home 4 tution from 4 -6 plux……wa….it will be so tiring….i wana sleep le la…..
27 July 2004…Tuesday………07:56pm.....

sad.......but.....control.....hmm.......reali wana thank my frens around mi 2dae......4 laughing and cheering mi up......coz....i almost broke into tears b4 recess......recieving a card letter frm a fren.........hahz.......i duno how tml....vry sad....
2dae my class got an empty sit.....justin had left.......haiz....
2dae got science test n im dead....den no science file to rely on.....so i think....haiz dun sae le.....tml i still got chinese test....wa kau.....mi reali gona break down le.....nvm......i think i go off now......i wana go n study.......i juz had my nap juz now.......tired n sad.....dun wana think tooo much.......had lots of dreams.......about sumthing......reali wana cry....haiz....my day is always sad....i think this year.....my birthday will  be a totally sadness......
26 July 2004........Monday......07:53pm.....

sad....very sad.....may the rain.......rain on mi....wash away my tears.....wash away the pain i have in mi.....sorrows......still got 15 more days.....i will be turning 14....one year older....wat mi gona do......im not in the mood 4 anything.........nth...........i juz wan....2 have *******by my side......i need a break.....i reali need a break.....Ms Johnson!!!! can i dun go band 4 a month!!!! I BEG U!!!...Plz.....i reali going to break down........reali.......
25 July 2004.....06:43pm......Sunday.....

im very sad yesterdae....i juz cant sleep well.....i have been thinking alot....very sad... i almost cried in band yesterday...but i tried myself to hold back my tears....most of you may not believe it rite....i may seems lying rite......the answer is no.....im speaking the truth....i noe yesterday in band i keep on laughing n laughing.....as if i have gone crazy like tat.....but deep in my heart....im crying.....i juz wana keep my laughter on so mi....myself....will not affect the ones around mi....haiz.....wat point saying.....no1 will cares rite.....
Sumtimes......juz a glance at ***will reali sent tears flowing in my heart....im reali heart-broken......depressed.....but hu noes.....i reali wana have a break.....b4 i break down.... maybe going sumwhere 4 a month......mabe that idea is good......or apply a one month break frm ****....so i wun be sad.....crying......im reali heartbroken.....vry heartbroken.....wateva....
i think.....in a week's time.....a week.......i will reali break down.....n reali....i will.....may i breakdown....n never wakes.......sent mi to heaven....n may my sorrows.....disappear...
hahaz....my fren.....pri.sch pal.....say tat i often bring happiness to my frens around mi.....but 4 my self......i intend to make myself sad.....sorrow....den she told mi she rather c mi smile.....den to c mi in pain.....thankiew....
hmm....2dae is my cousin's birthday!!!...hahaz....hmm......hopes she enjoy her day......
im now chatting wif a guy ba....online.....who i reali dun reali noe him well.....sum1 intro wan.....hmm......hopes tat he will cheer mi up....
25 July 2004......Sunday......

sad...tears...flowing...each day...each nite...i never thought...i will...but...i guess....now...i will....never thought....never though...hate you...tears....sad...never thought....
25 July 2004....Sunday...

Im so rude to my mum……I duno wat im doing….why….. im vry sad…..vry sad……now im hiding in my room……crying…..feeling vry awful……and touch….my mum juz came in to my room…..she ask mi to collect my photos later at 6pm…..she sounded vry caring……her words are so smooth….and she dun feel angry abot wat I had done juz now….she noe that im sad……she noe wat im feeling….im vry touch reali…..im reali sori 4 wat I have done…..im vry ‘pec’ and im vry stress…..is like suddenly got so much times to do and im not gear….there’s too much…..too much…..till almost every nite…..i have too burn midnite oil…..i dun even have the time to rest……im vry stress and irritated…..if sum1 reali makes mi angry at the wrong timing….i think I will reali flare up……I will reali do it and cry…….almost every unpleasant things I do…I will cry…..i think im indeed to soft-hearted…..haiz…
Tml…..after school…..our class intented to organized a farewell party 4 our dear fren, Justin……although im not reali tat close to much and we hardly talk…..it’s a reali sad thing that he’s leaving us to perth…..haiz…. reali hope that he will be hapi over dere……
Im still sick……sick……sick…..sick……one week le……still haven recover…..haiz……duno whet ml can run or not……got PE…..i scared later like last week…….as im running rite……nose block……ear block…..and sore thoat…..vry hard to run lolz…haiz…….i think I can la…..okok….but hor……band….BAND!!!! I reali dun feel like going…..vry stress……STRESS!!!!!...haiz……sianz…..=’-(
Thursday.....22 July 2004......Time, 05:41pm......

Haiz…..*yawn*……cant slp….is already 1:34am in the morning le im still here…..haiz….my family members all sleep le….left mi onli…..i juz cant slp….coz…..im troubled…..sorrows grew deep down in my heart….followed by confusion…..im vry lost….vry lost….alot of things have been happening to mi….i juz duno how to solve them….it’s too much….too much….sumtimes…….i reali wana go n commit suicide…..but after much thinking…..i dun bear to leave this world so soon…..so soon….. I wan to carry on living…..i still got many things to do….n wan to do…..i have been slping vry late for sum days le…..coz I noe is vry unhealthy to carry your worries to bed….slping late…..wake up early…..haiz….
I duno wat im doing…….but…..i noe I have been lying to myself……always…..why im doing it……becoz…..i reali wan 2 4get sumthings……sumthings is reali…..too much…..too much….unbearable…..torturing…..i reali wan to 4get…..but I juz cant make myself do it….wat im I gona do??....can anywan juz tell mi…..
I think I will stop writing abot this…..i think I will juz sae sumthing else….
Hmm….today my class…..faith 2-4….faith 3-4….hope 3-2 n hope 3-3 went 4 an outing organized by Mr Chow……we went to the Singapore Conference Hall……4 the SYF Art Exhibition ‘Wings To Soar’……it’s vry the interesting…..im impressed by sum of the works….. Schools like Mayflower…..Kranji….Raffles Int…….ACS(independent)…..Chung Cheng High (Main)….n sum other schools were involved……even some JCs and sum special Schools were involved too!!!......sum of their art…..they used recycled materials to make themàthis is where I find the art interesting….. My class vry the pro…..we completed our given worksheets and viewing at within 45 mins….yet the others took a long time to finish….hahaz…..Mr Chow took sum pictures of sum of the art….,y class went to the so-called meeting point and wait lorz….i bought my camera go too…..hehez….mi waimin and siew hua……went crasy abot taking photos……till we even went to the toilet and take….hehez….lucky no people….phew!.....after all that…..haiz…still got 45 mins left…..so back to the meeting place and we start playing hp camera device and keep on snapping photo….hey hey!.....the photos are in my photo album! Feel free to take a look at them!!...=p…hehex…..vry fun la…..reali enjoy a lot…..
Sleepless nitez…..my temper goes bad…..i have been flaring up at home a lot…..yet at the end….im the one crying…..i reali cant stand myself….i hate mi….i hate mi!!!!.....
 
 
 
*Yawn*…thankz song…..4 being the wan….always by my side….cheering mi up when im down…..i indeed lied to myself in every thing I do…..n I think im selfish to do that…..sori….now I finally noe wat to do….and I will be more open-minded next time…..i will make everyone of them my fren and to care 4 them no matter wat happens…. I will heed 4 ur advice…..reali gona thank you so much…..so much…..
*yawn*……
Thursday…..22 July 2004…..Time, 1:59am……

*yawnz*.....so sleepy but....cant slp.....haiz....it's unhealty to bring all ur burdens bed but.....i juz cant let them go 4 a nite.....ir juz kept on bothering mi....haiz....these few days hor....never excerise rite....my whole body feel so uneasy......uncomfortable......haiz.....so envy that my brother can slp so soundly each nite.....so do my other family members.....haiz.......so envy........
2dae's home econ test ok la....but siew hua scare she fail....so sad.....haiz.......hope she dun think too much la.....=)
2dae in band....i went late.....n i stand there 4 a while like an idiot......actually i wana greet tat mr ng wan....but he never notice mi......den later i juz go n i saw tat mr ng looking at mi as i set up.....den his expression like wan 2 scold mi like tat.....so i quickly set up n sat down.......
2dae my mood not reali tat gd lor....actually dun wana go......but back in mind i ask waimin to help mi ask darren to help mi set up.....den if he reali helps mi to set  up n i never go....i will feel bad wan lorz.....n also......be4 band i got science remedial.....mr kee my science teacher lorz.....den after the remedial n also during the remedial.....he ask mi 2 go shaw hall rite after remedial lorz.......so wat im i gona do.....so later decided to go band....
2dae.....our band spread ourselves up....so is like the whole band spread ourselves almost haf of the hall......den got great gaps in between each chairs...hahaz.....mr ng's idea.....he make us do this so we can hear wat we r playing more clearly n to look out wat we had played wrongly......it's quite good lorz....but kind of scary.....it was like...if u played sumthing wrong rite.....it is vry clear to u lorz....den you will feel tat as if u had affect the whole sound lor....but i think this arrangement sounds good 4 us to improve on our band the sound......hmm.....enogh abot band todae........vry the angry la......
Reali feel like exercising now.....feel like doing sum....but too late le......haiz......2dae cant do sit-ups like wat i normally do everydae.....coz cramp la......haiz....gastric problems la...... acting up again......haiz.....sianz.....still cant slp.....keep on thinking......abot alot of things....reali......i wan to slp!!!! but i juz cant make myself to it!!!! how???.....haix...
Tuesday......20 July 2004...Time: 11:59pm-12:25am(Wednesday)
 

hahaz....jux went to cut my hair....so happy...hahaz...as if got sumthing i wan fall frm the sky hahaz......
haiz.....so sad....a guy frm my class wan emgriating to perth.....haiz.....good luck justin.....farewell.........
haiz nth to write so let mi tok abot band.....hmmm....actually my heart now rite.....is vry the sad n angry.....40% of my heart lost hope abot band le lorz.....i noe...i reali sori to sum ppl....but reali this is wat i wan to sae.....evrything reali sux......is not the band.....the CCA....is the people contain in it.....sux....nt reali all of them but sum of them.....sum ppl r vry unreasonable.......i hate him lorz......not onli him.......even his whole section sux lorz.....reali c this kind of people.....sooner or later......the band is reali gona collapsed......reali lorz.....sori 4 being harsh but REALI if dere is still no changes rite.......i will reali quit the band.....or even worst......i WILL ASK 4 A TRANSFER!!!!!.......
Sumtimes.....Sumthings......is reali going out of control........n sum reali too much till mi....myself n sum frens reali cannot take it lorz.....sumtimes i tell myself to look at the brighter side of band n dun think too much....but reali.....things r juz getting worst.....getting out of hand n alot of ppl r changing....frm good....to bad......bad....to worst......worst till.....haiz......reali lorz.....the whole band.....im getting worried.....im scared that wan day....i will reali break down.....n flare up in front of all of u......tats is wat i hate to do lorz.......i dun wanna history to repeat n sum of my frens have reali seen how i flare up in the past......i reali dun wan it to happen.....reali....so now.....the onli thing i can do is 2 pray that they will change to a better person n i reali hope that the band will continue to strive 4 the next 10 years.....20 years......30 years.....or even 4eva!!!!....n achieving great awards!!!!!.....dis is my onli wish 4 the GM band......haiz.....saying so much here.....haiz.....i cant do anything rite......i juz have to hope 2 c the better tml......n may wat i hope will reali happen.....n i reali have to ganpateh lots!!!!!n may the whole band jia you!!!!!....60% of my heart....is still having faith in band...... after the compliment frm our principal 2dae......i think that our band reali improve alot n may our band continue to strive hard n we hope to c more imporovement!!!!....
hmm....feeling blue......*cough* *cough*........so sick.......actually cannot go band wan.....but i still go......not becoz mi hardworking or sumthing(BHB!!)...is coz i scared mi cannot catch up will the whole band lorz....den later kana scolding by mr ng.....haiz......so is like 'fel qu bu ke'.......haiz..... i reali like to play wif my horn n my ocarina!!!!hehex.....=p.....fun lorz.... 
now the time is 06:46pm.....Monday......19 July 2004

 

Time to Love. Y
6:46 PM

Sunday, July 18

now...i finally noe the importance of the horn....in a piece of music...
my mood was dull all nite....till now....reali.....so i decided to listern to sum classical music... as i was listerning....i juz heard a soft but clear.....outstanding sound....made by the horn....and it's so perfect and the sound is so soothing.....reali....i noe myself as a horn player....i dun think i can do it lorz....the sound is juz so good le.....reali.....
haiz....feeling sick.....lolx......reali duno how to go band.....to go or not to go???....haiz...
2dae...i went out wif songying......hahaz.....reali got so much fun going out wif her.....feel so much better after tat.....coz these few days my mood is reali vry bad lorz.....till i reali cant stand myself.....haiz....so much.......so much things juz happen.....some reali unexpected......so reali too much......sum went out of control.....y?....nvm.....
we went to take neoprints.....'eve'.....hahaz.....$9.....this machine rite....i think is quite good lorz....coz u can ask 4 an extra copy 4 juz $5...hahaz....den i went to choose to give mi a larger copy den later one of the neoprint came out.....to be.....so...HUGE!!!....bigger than a normal card size lorz.....cannot even fit into my pouch lorz....haiz.....reali vry suprising lor.....hahaz......next time take again...=p.....den we went to another machine....yar...a card wan.......vry the nice lorz.....den we move to another wan.......wa......we saw a group of TKSS-->...i think so......galz lorz....frm band de.......dey all abot 10 or even more ppl went to sqeeze in one machine.....i wonder how they sqeeze......pro galz.....hahaz......mi n songying went to take.....den we go shop around......looking 4 birthday presents n cards.......den hor mi again....erm we went to take neoprint.....'cinderalla' wan.....hahaz...i treat her.....hmm....here's the interesting part.....after we take rite.....dere will be a game......it was like.....erm....dere will sumthing like a 4 different arrows....pointing in different direction.....north south east west la.......coz we everytime like hack care the think wan lorz......but later the arrow point down......remember....DOWN....kk....u all if u take the machine hor remember after u all take finish le hor....play the game rite.....if the arrow go down....sumthing will happen....kk.....i tell u wat happen....hmm.....we was like waiting outside 4 our neoprints to be done lorz.....den is like.....all os a sudden.....through the side of my eyes....i saw a flash of light......in the machine.....so i went to check.....den is like.....we still can take again lorz....i call songying.....she dun believe at 1st...n neither do i....but den later wen the machine was abot to snap again......we went posing.....den surprisingly...the machine reacted......wa....miracle!!!!!!......later after tat.....after the whole thing.....reali got neoprints came out.....den the 2 of us us like thinking......wa.....we r indeed vry lucky todae n was like to took 2 times 4 $8 onli.....Muhahaahahahahaahz........so hapi lorz......miracle xia....reali cannot 4get todae......so next time wen we take tat machine rite......we reali have to open our eyes n hope tat the arrow goes down so we can have another time of....FREE shots!!!!....hahaz....
later we went to but books......den go look around till songying go n meet her mum.......
now.......hmm.....11plus le......haiz.......u c so late mi still cum online......vry bad rite......haiz.....sianz.......reali feel much more better after going out.... but...too bad i miss the chance going to the botanic garden to hear the other sch bands play.......haiz..... waimin never go so cannot-->this is not reali the main reason lorz......my mum sae later no 1 pei mi go home ma.....she worried....haiz.....nvm....
mi now toking wif my long lost fren......duno y now hor.....last time my long lost fren hor....suddenly pop out again.....hahaz.....so hapi tat now im able to get in touch wif them.......haiz.....so hapi.... now the time is.....11:34pm.........Sunday......18 July 2004 

Time to Love. Y
11:34 PM

Thursday, July 15

Thursday.......15 July 2004.......Time,10:43pm......

haiz...so sianz now....nth better to do lorz...so cum online....haiz....go check mail....go friendster.....cum here write new entries....wa....so fast this is my 41st entry...hahz...haiz....so sianz....
hm...sumone write testi 4 mi...hehez...later go n read....
2dae i vry the angry wif alot of people.....vry ANGRY lorz.....haiz....but i juz have to act ok.....juz not to surprised my frens around....i juz dun wan them to worry...so i cum here....n tell my blog abot it....makes mi feel much much more better.....hmmm....let mi tok abot 2dae....
2dae my so-called 'mama' tell mi a funi joke abot 3 men....hahaz....mi laugh like hell but i think is kind of lame....n also 2dae hor...i though todae no DNT lesson wan le....haiyo make my class happy 4 nth onli....ok la...mr ong indeed never cum in the morning la....den duno why suddrn appear lorz.....aiyo....haiz....nvm.....
todae got thankgiving rehearsal.....aiyo....vry de lame lorz....go there not even one hour...go home le....waste time lorz....set up intruments n chairs at the shaw hall.... tune up.....play....erm.....tone studies number 1 n 8....play school song....the next octave....etc.....onli a few songs onli la....4 to 5..like tat....den dismiss us....so lame rite.....shouldn't have go n waste my time....haiz.....
2dae vry de piss off....duno how to sae....dun feel like saying.....it will makes mi feel sad n angry......i dun wana hurt myself even more.....
haiz.....sianz.....tml still got band.....duno how will it be like....nvm....
2dae ish...Thursday.......15 July 2004.......Time,10:43pm......

Time to Love. Y
10:43 PM

Wednesday, July 14

Wednesday.....14 July 2004......Time,1:44pm.....

i never go to school todae....haiz....so sianz....juz finish my fren's art piece....hands aching to cum online....haiz.... i have been doing the art since morning wen i wake up.....i cant take mass pe tml....haiz...not again.....wa....so sianz....nvm....go read my blog.....n go n watch happy tree frens la....haiz....
Wednesday.....14 July 2004......Time,1:44pm.....

Time to Love. Y
1:44 PM

Tuesday, July 13

Tuesday.....13 July 2004.....Time,11:51pm........

i fell sick in class todae....so terrible lorz....i hate to fell sick in class....coz i cant concentrate lor....den learn nth....i dun think i can make it 2 sch tml....nt again....i have been getting myself sick....haiz....
nw....i think i got my brother's flu virses....wa!!!....more worst xia....haiz....sianz....i cant get myself to sleep...the moment i reach home frm sch i go peng....coz...my headsche is getting serious....so mi decided to rest....
i cant 4get 2dae....coz....after sch....the moment i got out frm sch....i saw my 3 little juniors frm hope 1-1 taking digital cameras.....hahaz....taking pictures.....dey went up to mi frm the behind mi...wanting to take my picture....hahaz....dey r cute la.....
reaching the traffic...i saw my pRi.6 form teacher ms chin....we walk home together.....chatting....she sent mi 2 my block...hehez....first time xia...reali cannot 4get the day 2day.....haiz...
wa....my headache is acting up again.....i think i gona slp....bue blog!....my purpose to cum online now....is 2 write blog n a testi 4 my fren....n finish le....go check mails 1st....den log off......yaya....bb neway.....:)
Tuesday.....13 July 2004.....Time,11:51pm........

Time to Love. Y
11:44 PM

Saturday, July 10

Sunday.....11 July 2004......Time,12:22am.......

Waaa!!!....finally got the time to cum online....hahaz..... coz got musical performance ma.....haiz....so tiring....early in the morning go sch den cum back home so late.....haiz....but hor....reali got a great time there lorz....reali enjoy alot.... haiz....it seems so long....but hor....time reali pass so fast....hahaz.....
my hair still wet....hmmm......hahaz......sianz....mi now downloading the msn messeger....coz....my computer spoil....so hor everything all...'bye bye'....haiz....my computer kana 10 over virses.....haiz...so kelian.....haiz....mi wana cry le.....haiz....
nw very the tired...wana slp...but have yar wait 4 the computer 2 finish downloading....hahaz....haiz....*yawn*....poor mi....
2dae the performance is so-so la...but i still prefer yesterdae's wan....hehex....hmm.....still got 93% left.....yea......hmm.....hahaz....i think i better dtop here or rlsr i will go crasy....i reali hope that the msn messenger will be alrite.....oh lord.....i reali hope that it will works....plz.....
yea!!!!it's done!!!!!im signing in!!!!.....haiz...but hor....nvm.......
wen i reach home....hahahz....my mum sae her fren give mi wan!!! wa.....so fast give mi....hmmm...is a bag neway.....haiz.....so tired...
Sunday.....11 July 2004......Time,12:22am.......

Time to Love. Y
11:54 PM

Wednesday, July 7

Wednesday....7 July 2004....Time,6:57pm....

walau....i hate my brother lorz....he thinks becoz he's older doesn't mean he can order mi to do anything lorz....im already vry piss off le...n he still wana make mi feel more down...i have been controlling my mood these few days...trying to keep my smile on...but...my 2pit bro...is always destroying it....wat kind of bro is this....kk....enough abot that...
yesterdae in band...my conducter fell on2 his butt...so poor thing rite...n there the band goes laughing n laughing....actually he's in a good mood wan...den after the fall his mood change...haiz....i think coz too embrass ba...ke lian ah.....haiz....
2dae's band....so-so lorz....hmm...onli got 10 of the sec2s go...den later at 3.3opm then the upper sec cum....b4 that mr ng tok a lot of crap...story....blah blah blah....den wen every1 cum that time....he went through our school song n the next
octave....hmm...2dae the band sounds good la...ok ok lorz....
wa!!!! my com hor....still got abot 252 infected hidden files in my computer!!!!wa kau....haiz...my com reali dying.....
Wednesday....7 July 2004....Time,6:57pm....

Time to Love. Y
6:56 PM

Monday, July 5

Monday.....5 July 2004.....Time, 9:25pm.....

wa kau....my computer very the pro lorz....kana 6 virus in the end n 123 infected files....pro rite...mi hor also duno lor.....hahaz....hmmm....watch 'windstruck' wif my frens 2dae....at ps...plaza singapura....nice xia....got the vcd mi surely be the 1st wan to buy de....hahaz...vry the touching lorz....all of us cried....coz reali la....vry touching love story-->i think should like tat sae la....hmm...
Monday.....5 July 2004.....Time, 9:25pm.....

Time to Love. Y
9:24 PM

Saturday, July 3

Saturday....3 June 2004......Time, 9:15pm.....

AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I cant take it anymore le lor….my computer….i hate it xia…. Always stopping mi haf way wen im doing sum important stuffs….2dae mi vry vry pec…….i cant stand it le lorz…….i reali gona explode!!!!....ahhh!!!!
2dae in band…..mi already vry angry n frustrated le lorz……mi reali wana cry in front of everywan…..but no matter wat…I hav to hold back my tears n let it go….. wen I got home…..i went straight to my room n tears started fallin……later my mum came back home frm nowhere n she tell mi that my uncle say my computer kana 2 2pit viruses….wa kau!!!!!!!......mi vry frustrated lorz…why is this happening to mi….den my mum aski mi to save the files in a hard disk 1st…,k la…..i do lorz……den haf way…I went online……. Later waimin came online n I send her ‘fate of the gods’->a song la…….den haf way through my computer auto shut down n I throw my pillow tat I was holding on the ground n I was like kicking it……im vry pec lorz…..i hold back my tears….n I told my mum wat happen n she give mi a deaf ear….wa lau…..wat kind of attitude is dis…..den I repeat my words again n she give mi a ‘dun care….its ur problem not my problem rite’ look!!!!......wa lau….i cant stand it…..k fine…..i bear wif it….
I ran out of disks…..n im figuring how to save sum bigger files…..while solving I ask my mum to help mi….buy sum more disks to save……AGAIN SHE IGNORE MI!!!......den she was like barking….’go n buy urself la……I wan to go out le la’……like tat lorz….how I noe she’s going out……den she like tat sae to mi……walau….im vry piss off…frustrated le lorz….why is she still like tat…..cant she spare a thought 4 mi…..all she did was to think about herself! Why is she so selfish…..why!!!!WHY!!!!...... cant take dis anymore…..i went to bath…n cry in dere….hu will bother…..no one……I was comforting myself in dere…..tellin myself to look on the brighter side of life…..den later I feel much better yet confused upon sumthings….
Nowadays…my mum is getting vry unreasonable n selfish…..why???.....haiz…
Sumtimes…….wen I need sum1……dere will be none…..n den I will be left alone….in the trap….always…….i duno how ya sae but…..is like…..everything is yet so unfair to mi……wen im not in the good mood…I will try myself to control my emotions….. but….why…..dere will n b sumwan…..making mi to cry again n again…….making mi feel so bad…..so bad…..why……I dun wan myself to be appearing sad or angry in front of my frens…..n people around mi……coz….i dun wan them to worry…….so I will try my vry best to control my emotions upon everything…..but….why in the end I always fail……fail……fail…….maybe….im easily hurt……
Wat had happened todae is reali vry hurting….n I will wana 4get it lorz……I dun wan to end up crying……I juz have to control…..n control……blog…..help mi……
Hmm…..let mi write sumthing tat is good here…hmm….b4 band 2dae….i went out wif Judith……go take neoprints…..den later songying came n join us too…..we got lots of great fun snapping….n we reali got lotsa lotsa fun!!!.......
Saturday....3 June 2004......Time, 9:15pm.....

Time to Love. Y
9:17 PM

Thursday, July 1

2dae......i ever eat anything till about 4 plus 5 then eat....haiz....hahaz.....yao si worlx.....i onli ate sweets n drink water onli.....haiz....coz this morning wake up....very the sad.....den no appetite.....haiz....
i went Swee Lee......help grace to send her setion the clarinet to repair.....got problems ma....haiz.....drill sux today.....lucky ms johnson pull mi out to do a reflection on....wat u feel about being born on national day?.....i cried while writing......n finally i got the time to let myself cry 4 a moment....coz...while we practice in the canteen that time.....play march together ma....i almost cry out...but i control.....haiz...feelings indeed sux....
later...my feelings were better.....den i try to be happy......ok ok lorz......haiz......
Saturday......31 July 2004.......11:45pm......

Time to Love. Y
11:45 PM

Thursday....1 July 2004....Time,11:06pm

hmm...blog...sum of my frens r angry n unhapi...i will like to help but nvm lorz...there r sum things they will like to 4get n they dun wana remember them...but i will like to sae this... i reali hope that they will be ok tml 4 the next band practice tml....
Oh lord,
i will like u to help mi...to my frens out dere....hope that u will help them to 4get sumthings that has happened todae in band...there may be sum things that i dun understand but...i reali hope that u will help them....
dere r sum things in this world that r reali vry unreasonable..but we cant stop that frm happening 2 us rite?...so we have to try to be open-minded n 2 4give n 2 4get...sumtimes...things can get reali out of control n u must be thinking tat...u will not 4giv tat person no matter wat...dis will makes u suffer n will darken ur spirits...
putting everthing in2 unhappiness will affect ur life...n will sour the frenship...dis is not i wan...i have nth much to sae lord...but i hope u will help them 2 let the matter rest among them...n look 4 the brighter side of life...
in jesus name i pray,
amen
 
Thursday....1 July 2004....Time,11:06pm

Time to Love. Y
11:08 PM

Thursday....1 July 2004.....Time,10:02am.....

hmmm.....time passes really vry quickly......so fast july le....hmm...wondering why im here at this kind of hour???....hmmm....im not in sch 2dae....sick....yaya....den today got band....one of my seniors is not going....fractured his ankle....7 days off frm sch....haiz....so gd luck to my another senior 2dAe!!!but neway....2dae is sectional practice...so no big deal ma....haiz....hmmm....mi now searching 4 sum study notes in the net about bhopal...hmmm...geography....hahz...yaya....gtg...
buaiz.....
Thursday....1 July 2004.....Time,10:02am.....

Time to Love. Y
10:02 AM